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 my poems that prob suck

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Junko



Number of posts : 43
Age : 25
Location : umm...drinkin your blood, or writing
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Registration date : 2008-07-27

PostSubject: my poems that prob suck   Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:35 pm

here are some poems i've written the first 3 were for this girl i really liked

My hand longs to hold yours
my lips long for your kiss
which is why my heart cant stand you moving to kansas
you are more beutiful than a dove
and you are my true love

her critique for that one was "next time you want to kiss me be less obvious"

i want to take away your anger and sadness
and in return give you only happiness
but that is as impossible as a monster in lochness
because soon you will be in kansas
and i will never get to feel your kiss

i gave her this along with a stuffed elmo i won at the carnival. then after we had just talked after school she started dating a guy THE SAME DAY

anytime i se you im happy
the exception is when you are with him in which case i feel crappy
i know the poems were sappy
but why would do something that you know makes me unhappy
i know the ugliest thing is jelousy
but thats what i feel when you and him are all i see
i gave you my heart and you crushed instead of setting it free
i guess that is loves fee

she never saw this one and probably never will

then these i wrote a couple nights ago while i was trying to sleep

Disappearing
I want to disappear into the background
so that i will never be found
even by a bloodhound
because i wont make a sound
it should be easy because im use to hiding behind this mound
of pain and fear to which im bound.

Blood
There is blood on the floor
but i know there is more
the pain comes from the core
where the true wound is
because it you i really miss

this one i wrote during art class and prob really sucks

Jumping off a building
jumping off a ledge
every single day brings me closer to the edge
im crying constantly now
i'd kill myself if i could only choose how
i dont deserve death my life aint that bad
my only problem is a mean dad
I wish i could loose all this pain
wash it away in the rain
Im walking through a field with bullets flying over head
And if i make one false move i know i'll be dead

please offer advise and not talk about how bad it is behind my back


Last edited by Junko on Wed Jul 30, 2008 4:37 am; edited 1 time in total
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Inarius

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PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:43 pm

*As you turn around I talk about how badly they suck*

jk they are actually good my poems are, yea....I'll post if you like so you can see that you don't write crappy ones.

Well seeing as you write about what you feel, I can' really offer advice except to try to add different meanings in one poem which I know is hard I've tried yet failed so many times XD

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Junko



Number of posts : 43
Age : 25
Location : umm...drinkin your blood, or writing
Favorite Video Game : God Of War
Registration date : 2008-07-27

PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:46 pm

yeah i have an artist complex where i think anything i write sucks
you can post your is if you want but only if you want
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Inarius

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PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:49 pm

Hey same here I think all my writing sucks to (even though it does!)

Twilight

My life so far I've been living a lie
With all these expectations raised to high

The closer I found myself to light
Shadows surround me as if it was night

But to many times I've been pushed to far
I stand in front of a door that is slightly ajar

I enter the room full of curiousity
But what I saw was a true monstrousity

I see a mirror along with what i've become
Am i this because what i have done?

Twilight is the meeting between Dusk and Dawn
I stare and I blink and it suddenly is gone


and then there is this one


The New Age

Living life today is truely hard
Children in Iraq aren't safe in their own backyards

What has our world truely become?
It has been consumed by war and guns

Humanity is filled with hatred and greed
Isn't love all we really need?

My uncle's a soldier who was sent to war
If the war doesn't end then they will need more.

Families have been split,broken apart
The war will end when a new age starts

But who knows before then the world might fall
and if it does then it will take us all

I thought we went to a better place when we died
To bad all of that was a complete lie


Dedicated to a friend who's uncle was sent to the Iraq war....

__________________________________


Here's another one that I made for a friend since his uncle was forced into a war that "I" believe that we shouldn't be in....(just my perspective)



Annnnnnnnnd then there's this



Rise of Humanity


The rise of humanity shouldn't have come at all
Because after to much rising we eventually will fall

I am not talking small stumbles like the depression
Or what's about to come soon which is the recession

I am talking about the permanent dive we will take
It has been determined by one former mistake

We have been to dependant on technology
I choose to follow the road of philosophy

I will found out more causes and post it in this place
I am warning not only you but the entire human race

About our planets ultimate demise
It'll be a tragedy we will witness with our eyes

The Earth will eventually run out of resources
Many will die and our planet will be filled with corpses

This does not only affect you but it affects me
And I beg you to listen as my only plee


_______________________________________________

The Depression and Recession parts only are talking about the united states

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Junko



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Age : 25
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PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:53 pm

they're pretty good except for a couple lines where you could change the wording
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Inarius

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PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:56 pm

yea but those were written for when I was like 10, i just typed them up and yea there ya go they're here XD. I also don't have the attention span to revise them anyway, and yet again here is another XD.

But back on topic. Yea, I'm guessing there was a girl you liked at one point on your life? Well hope your next crush will work out better than the ones in your poem.

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Junko



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PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:58 pm

it couldn't be worse
besides first loves never work out
i'm thinkin about askin this one guy out but im waitin til school starts again to do it
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Inarius

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PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:02 pm

Well best of luck and gtg now. You should keep writing poetry your good at it. (and post whatever poems you want in here, they're interesting.)

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Junko



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Age : 25
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PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:04 pm

thanks and i prob will
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Hellion

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PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Tue Jul 29, 2008 3:09 pm

great poems and feel free to read mine if i ever get them posted Smile

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Junko



Number of posts : 43
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PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Tue Jul 29, 2008 9:29 pm

thank you
i wrote a couple more

would you
If i slit my wrist would you be here
If my funeral was tomorrow would you be there
If i asked for help would you hear
If i did something good would you care
If you had happiness would you share

this one doesn't have a name
Slit the wrist and watch the blood flow
That us the ending to my show
Because i have hit an all-time low
Maybe now you'll see
What is truly wrong with me
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Hellion

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PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:55 pm

sorry to ask but...do you do all the stuff you talk about in ur poems?Sorry if its to personal just say so

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Junko



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PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Wed Jul 30, 2008 11:06 pm

i dont do it but i have family that did and does.
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duckey

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PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Thu Jul 31, 2008 10:06 pm

yay artists!
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Junko



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PostSubject: Re: my poems that prob suck   Thu Jul 31, 2008 11:09 pm

WOOT
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